Whenever you are sexually related you are afraid, because sex is really not a relationship, it is an exploitation. If you are attached to a woman or man sexually, you are always afraid that this woman may go to somebody else, this man may move to somebody else. There is no relationship really, it is just mutual exploitation. You are exploiting each other, but you don’t love and you know it, so you are afraid.
This fear becomes jealousy so you may not allow things, you will guard; you will make every security arrangement so this man cannot look at another woman. Even looking will be a danger signal. This man should not talk to another woman because talking…. and you feel afraid he may leave. So you will close all the paths, all the ways of this man going to another woman, of this woman going to another man; you will close all the ways, all the doors.
But then a problem arises. When all the doors are closed, the man becomes dead, the woman becomes dead, a prisoner, a slave, and you cannot love a dead thing. You cannot love one who is not free because love is beautiful only when it is given freely when it is not taken and demanded and forced.
First, you make security arrangements, then the person becomes dead, becomes like an object. A beloved may be a person, a wife becomes an object; a beloved may be a person, a husband becomes an object to be guarded, possessed, controlled. But the more you control, the more you are killing because freedom is lost. And the other person may be there for other reasons, but not for love, because how can you love a person who possesses you? He looks like an enemy.
Sex creates jealousy but it is a secondary thing. So it is not a question of how to drop jealousy; you cannot drop it because you cannot drop sex. The question is how to transform sex into love, then jealousy disappears.
If you love a person, the very love is enough to guarantee, very love is enough security. If you love a person, you know he cannot go to anybody else. And if he goes, he goes; nothing can be done. What can you do? You can kill the person, but a dead person will not be of much use.
When you love a person you trust that he cannot go to anybody. If he goes, there is no love and nothing can be done. Love brings this understanding. There is no jealousy.
So if jealousy is there, know well there is no love. You are playing a game, you are hiding sex behind love. Love is just a painted word, the reality is sex.
In India, because love is not allowed much, not allowed at all — marriage is arranged — tremendous jealousy exists. A husband is always afraid. He has never loved so he knows — and the wife is always afraid because she has never loved, so she knows — that this has been an arrangement. The parents arranged astrologers arranged, society arranged; the wife and husband were never asked. In many cases they never knew each other, they had never seen each other. So fear exists. The wife is afraid, the husband is afraid, and both are spying on each other. The very possibility is lost.
How can love grow in fear? They can live together, but that living together is also not living together; they only tolerate together, they somehow carry on together. It is just utilitarian, and out of utility you may manage, but ecstasy is not possible. You cannot celebrate it, it cannot become festive; it will be a burdensome affair.
So a husband is dead before death, and a wife is dead before death. It is two dead persons taking revenge on each other because each thinks that one has killed the other. Taking revenge, angry, jealous — the whole thing becomes so ugly. – OSHO